My Beautiful Sweet Darling Precious Guen, My Dearest Darling Love, I've written this letter so many times and then haven't sent it. I've been feeling very sad lately and it has been hard for me to express my feelings to you because I thought it might make you sad also. I'm really looking forward to seeing you Darling. I have the tickets and the schedule is made. It is really going to be wonderful to see you again and your lovely family. It will be such a pleasure to look into your eyes and see your sweet smile once again. And yet I have been very sad Darling so I guess I should tell you why. You see Darling I'm really concerned, and even worried sometimes, about some things about our future together. Certainly my biggest concern is the issue of money. I hate to bring the subject up but it is a very important topic. You see Darling for years I dreamed of being the sole provider for my future family. I dreamed of allowing my wife to be free to choose the life that she wants whether it be to go to school, work, or stay at home and raise children. I was raised in a family where my father was the sole provider for our family. And in his day such things could be done. And I suppose that is where my fundamental ideas of family life were formed. But lately I've been realising more and more how much things have changed. It is impossible these days to do things our parents did without both the husband and wife working. You know Darling, I make a good income and it takes care of the house payments and some fun. But to do the things we had talked about like raising children, prepare for the future, and do some of the things we would like to do, absolutely requires that both of us work. Darling it's just a fact of life now in America and especially in California. Very few people can afford nice homes these days and I am happy that I have been able to accomplish this on my own. Yet now I realise that there is just not enough left over every month to support a wife, much less children. I have been very sad about this and it has been hard for me to talk about it. But I must talk with you now. I don't want us to be poor Darling. I would rather stay single then see the two of us struggling all the time. I want us to be happy and money problems cause a lot of heartache. If I have to work long hours every day just to support us I know I won't be very happy. We won't have any time to have fun and relax. And how could I return to school myself if I was worried all the time with expenses? Guen Darling it is essential that if we marry that you find work here in the U.S.. And to do that you will have to learn how to drive. Crockett is not that close to San Francisco so it is essential that you learn how to drive. And that means we'll have to find a way to come up with enough money to buy a good car and provide for insurance. It is pointless to buy a cheap car. We need good dependable transportation. And in America things are very spread out so everyone has to have a car. It's just a fact of American Life. I believe that you had dreamed of staying home and raising children and indeed that would be wonderful. The sad point is that it is impossible to do. We will have to live like most American couples these days with the two of us working. And to find a good job you will also have to return to school. You'll have to learn English well enough to function in this society. You can't just stay at home. Just to be an average household the two of us are going to have work and the better job you can find the better for the both of us. Even though I think that even a part time job while you go to school would help out tremendously. You know Guen, I've mentioned this a few times in my letters before but you never really responded to it. It is necessary that I tell you a bit more of some harsh reality. Guen Darling, I have a good position in my company and make good money. Yet if anything were to happen, where I could not retain the position I have now or better, for example by illness, we would be financially devastated. We would lose our home with no chance of being able to purchase another. Our future for our children would be in ruins and I am quite sure that we would not be very happy. So again it is essential that my future wife do all she can to work and contribute to our future. I would like to mention something else that I just learned recently. Again it is related to finances and I think it is very important to you personally. I found out that it takes five years to petition for relatives. You have to be a U.S. citizen to petition for your family members and citizenship takes five years. The important point is that in order for a petition to be approved we have to show that we are fully capable of supporting whomever we petition for when they come to the U.S. And there is just no way we could do that. You see, the immigration service looks at the ability of the people here to support those whom they petition to come to the U.S.. I just found this out recently. So how could you petition for your family members if we are doing all we can to take care of our own family? If you think about it Darling it means that you will most likely not be able bring your family members to the U.S.. And you would probably not see them again for a many years. I am really concerned about this Guen, mainly because I believe your heart was set on bringing your family to the U.S.. I am concerned that when you finally realise that you may not see them again you will begin to get very lonely. It happens Darling. When a person is separated from the people and things that they know and love, and come to a new land, they at first have high hopes of a bright future. But when they realise that they are separated from all that they have grown to love (their family, friends and traditions) they become very lonely and want to return home. And if you are in the house every day Guen, with me off to work, I'm sure that in time you will begin to feel very lonely and wish that your family were here.You may even wish that you were back home in Cebu. I can really understand something like that happening. I am a good man Darling and I make a good income, but there are limits on what I can do. I don't want to see you lonely Darling. It would really break my heart. I think that if you were working and going to school it would be a very healthy thing and good for getting used to American Life. I think that working and going to school would do a lot to keep you from feeling lonely and separated from your family. So this is another advantage of working. Another thing that I have been concerned about Guen is something that I feel is a sensitive yet very important to discuss. Darling I need to know what your feelings are on the use of contraception. You know Darling when you returned the second little questionnaire that area was left completely blank. I am not sure why you did not answer the questions and I have been concerned about it for quite a while. I did not mention it earlier because we were still dealing with the importance of filling out the forms on your own and that was more important at the time. Yet now Darling I need to know what your feelings are on this subject. I understand that there may be a lot of religious beliefs, traditions and personal feelings involved with this. Yet this subject is so important that it cannot be overlooked. It effects our future directly and has a direct effect on our most intimate and private relationship when married. I guess a clear way to ask this is: Do you feel that the most intimate and private relation between husband and wife is primarily for the begetting of children? There is much involved regarding the use or non-use of contraception Guen and I would really like to know how you feel about this. I mentioned religion a few moments ago so I guess I should let you know that I am not a religious man. I am a working man Guen. Even though I was raised in the Catholic Church I have not attended church for some years and prefer to spend the day doing things around the house, visiting friends or going on a short trip. I know that you come from a family and a culture that is strongly religious and I wonder how you may feel about this. I would like you to think about this ok? Strong religious faith can have an effect on many things, from the way we handle situations, our relations with people, raising children, and again, the intimate relation between a husband and wife. And we have not discussed this at all. I am a good man Guen, who works hard and believes in the good and wholesome things of life. I'm just not a religious man. To be honest with you Darling, I feel a little uncomfortable in church although I think it's a nice place to have a marriage ceremony. I wonder though, how our difference here may effect the raising of children and how we handle situations together I guess I learned everything the hard way. When I was younger I used to pray. When that didn't get me anywhere I found that good old fashioned work,clear thinking and a positive attitude brought many more good things in life. I hope that you are not offended when I mention the intimate and private relation between husband and wife. It too is a fact of life. It is natural and healthy for a husband and wife to have desire for each other. I just wonder though, if you have religious feelings with respect to this. I would very much like to know. Remember Guen, it is ok to talk with me about anything. I'm a grown man who respects and honours your beliefs, traditions and feelings. Well anyway, I feel a lot better now that I have written this letter to you. We can talk more about these things when we meet ok? There will be plenty of time to have fun and there should be lots of time for us to talk of important things also. It has been hard for me to write this letter to you because I felt that some things would make you sad. I was also thinking about how these things really do effect our future together and how little we have actually discussed them. And I was trying to look ahead, beyond the times when the stars are not in our eyes and we are just two regular people living day after day. I want us to be happy Guen. I don't want us to be poor. I want the good things for the two of us and our children. And I don't want to worry every day about money. I also don't want to find that I have to work hard until I'm a worn out old man just to have some of the things that others have; like good education for the kids and a happy early retirement from work. I would like to retire early if possible. If we could pay off the house soon we could do this. I would like to travel, or at least be able to if we wanted. I want to have a free mind and not worry. I need to have a wife that is happy and willing to do all she can to work, go to school or whatever, for the welfare of her husband and family. And I don't want want my wife to be lonely. Guen Darling, coming to America may seem exciting but it is a VERY big change. You will be leaving behind all that you know and love. I think Darling that it will be very hard for you even though I am here. We could not have children right away because there are so many other things that we would need to accomplish. Any way Darling, we can talk about these things when I arrive ok? After we talk you may decide that you would prefer a richer man, or maybe even a man from your own country who shares your views and traditions. Who knows, we have to see. I'm concerned about our true happiness in the long run. And to be happy we have to be practical. Coming to America is a VERY big change. Guen Darling I'll be seeing you soon. We have both waited a long time to see each other again. We have written many many letters and I have loved every one of them. And yet i am aware that we are still very limited in getting to know each other when we have only letters to write. We need time together. And we need as much time together as possible just you and I. I understand and appreciate your traditions. Yet time together is how we really get to know each other. Marriage is not for children, nor can it be properly seen until we can get the stars out of our eyes. I love you Darling more than any words can say. And I want our future to be happy, not filled with conflict if we find we think differently on a lot of subjects. I want that our relationship be built on things in common and not sacrificing what we feel in our hearts to please each other. Marriage cannot be based on sacrifice. Good marriages are meant to be a benefit to both husband and wife and not a burden for either. Good and happy marriages occur when two people have not only love, but enough things in common that they can approach life in a way that feels right to each of them. We should feel free to be who we are and enjoy who we are together, like good friends, as well as lovers. Guen Darling, my sweet precious Love, it is time to close this letter and put in the mail. I'll be seeing you around the 15th of July. And may the best of everything come your way for you and your wonderful family. Your Loving Man, Donald.