COMPUTER VIRUS HYSTERIA 1996 is over and the WINNERS are in!!

In the PUBLICITY category, corporations were the clear losers, er, victors. And voters tallied up for Symantec, casting 116 chits into the Norton Anti-virus hat:

**Symantec is a bona fide bad actor when it comes to packaging disinformational sales pitches as news on computer viruses. One example of many cited in Virus Hysteria 1996 had to do with a March press release describing a new Norton Anti-Virus feature: the ability to detect Java viruses. However, the press release admitted "no current Java virus threats exist." This led some to question how you could test this feature to see if it really worked.

Actually, it didn't matter since all the company was interested in was publicity. The press release, you see, claimed Symantec customers couldn't test it -- because the feature didn't yet exist in Norton Anti-virus! Of course, "At the first sign of a Java virus threat, Symantec will make this technology available to customers via an immediate virus definition update . . ." the company warmly promised.

However, Virus Hysteria Awards voters weren't confused by Symantec's contorted advertising and the company received a solid kick in the pants marked by its large margin of victory over the other nominees.

Runners-up:

2. CompUSA (71 votes).

3. Jack Brock, Government Accounting Office (53 votes)

Since the Government Accounting Office's information systems expert was the highest scoring _individual_, the Virus Hysteria Awards committee will be awarding the book allocated for the PUBLICITY category to him. In the cause of computer literacy, the judges felt this would be more productive than hurling one into the bureaucracy of Symantec software salesmen.

Sorry, no appeals.

4. Peter Harrison, Cheyenne (10 votes)

THE QUOTATION CATEGORY -- Nominees were chosen for well-publicized quotes that, generally speaking, fit the following criteria: (1) brainless non sequiturs; (2) outright lies; (3) sales pitches disguised as information; or (4) interesting combinations of the first three.

**1. Ann Landers (73 votes)!

The well-known advice expert exchanged diatribes in her column with U.S. Senator Patrick Leahy regarding the Internet. Leahy says he regularly surfs the web; Landers admits she doesn't even own a computer. But failure to own a computer doesn't detract from her Internet expertise:

"I don't have to have a computer to know what's out there."

Runners-up:

2. Brian Williams, MSNBC (62 votes):

Of the Hare virus: "I'm scared to death that I'm going to get this or, even worse, my computer . . ."

3. Mark Clauder, CompUSA (48 votes)

"If you download your protection . . . you may not be protected from the latest strains of a virus."

4. Richard M. Smith, Phar Lap (39 votes):

"Its the good time virus for real."

5. Rick Kreysar, McAfee Associates Dir. of Operations (26 votes):

"McAfee [Associates] has never been a company to hype viruses, and I think it is a poor trend that is happening . . . in the last year."

This gem of mental nose-gold taken from an interview with the McAfee Associates' Director of Operations was the judges' favorite. However, it wasn't enough to make Kreysar a winner.

6. Larry Magid, consumer news cyber-pundit (5 votes):

"As far as I know, I've only twice been infected by viruses."

This from a column devoted to dispensing advice on getting rid of computer viruses.

THE EVENT CATEGORY

**1. The winner by a whisker was . . . the Hare virus scare (114 votes)!

Runner-ups:

2. Java virus scare (113 votes)

3. Boza virus scare (23 votes)

SPECIAL "GERALDO RIVERA" AWARD FOR INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM

**1. And the winner is . . . Brian Williams, MSNBC (53 votes)!

Williams' eye-glazing TV chat with yet another Symantec salesperson dressed up as a computer virus guru (Mary Engstrom) during the assault of the dread Hare computer virus (our winner in the EVENT category) was a clear winner over runner-up Stephen Pizzo's "Millenium virus" junkfood news story in Web Review.

For the text of the interview, check the back issues of VIRUS-L or www.kumite.com/myths .

Runners-up:

2. Stephen Pizzo, Web Review (42 votes)

3. United Press Int'l (37 votes)

4. James Daly, Ziff-Davis (32 votes)

5. Larry Seltzer, Ziff-Davis (31 votes)

6. Pittsburgh Business Wire (23 votes)

7. Jon Swartz, San Francisco Chronicle (22 votes)

Further profile on this downright bizarre newspaper story that publicized Aristotle's "Burma" virus and more Symantec salesmen than you can shake a stick at can be read on this site.

Check the "controversial material" block on the front page. 8. Lisa Carricaburu, Salt Lake City Tribune (8 votes)

George Smith, Editor

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