Good info-warriors are never at a loss for words. In fact, one of the strong suits of information warriors appears to be the burying of the enemy with floods of vague military philosophy, impenetrable jargon, cliches, scenarios and aphorisms gathered from popular books attributed to Alvin Toffler, Tom Clancy and Sun Tzu.

The National Defense University, a think tank based in Washington, D.C., that advertises itself as a DoD support organization aimed at ensuring "excellence in professional military education and research in the essential elements of national security," recently published a number of essays from the new breed of information warriors being bred in places like Science Applications and various arms of the services.

Crypt News excerpts some material from them for the enjoyment of readers.

From "The Silicon Spear: An Assessment Of Information Based Warfare (IBW) And U.S. National Security" by Charles B. Everett, Moss Dewindt & Shane McDade."

"The First Battles in the Era of Information Based Warfare: The Seizure of Fiery Reef and Mischief Island: July 1997.

"In retrospect, it was all quite foreseeable. But then, hindsight is always 20/20. The events had been lost in the 'noise.' The Board of Inquiry and the numerous congressional investigations had all come to the same conclusion," writes Everett in a spell-binding Tom Clancy-esque opener to "The Silicon Spear." He tells of an info-war with China and the reader eagerly awaits the denouement of the "congressional investigation" and "conclusion." Unfortunately, Everett never gets around to it, so Crypt News can't reprint it for you.

Everett then back-tracks his science-fiction scenario and begins setting the stage for the coming info-war with China. However, no "silicon spears" are in evidence, just nuclear missiles.

"The US military attach in New Delhi reported that [Chinese long range aircraft had overflown Indian airspace on three occasions. Reports coming out of one of the few news services remaining in Hong Kong noted that the 2nd Artillery-the PRC's nuclear rocket force-had begun to disperse firing battery's well south of Lop Nor, near the headwaters of the Mekong River in terrain that might preclude the travel of US cruise missiles through the rugged Himalayas."

Then Everett abruptly shifts gears and defines "information war."

"Information based-warfare is both offensive and defensive in nature-ranging from measures that prohibit the enemy from exploring information to corresponding measures to assure the integrity, availability, and interoperability of friendly information assets."

No! Crypt Newsletter did not steal this from the Joseph K Guide to Tech Terminology!

Everett loves acronyms in "The Silicon Spear." He mentions one called "GAP" for Gray Area Phenomena. GAP applies to:

"Ethno-religious-nationalistic conflicts;

Weapons proliferation-both conventional and nuclear, biological and chemical;

Conflict over scarce resources;

AIDS and other infectious diseases;

The globalization of Organized Crime;

Drug Trafficking;

Economic Warfare and conflict over technology;

Emigration; and, Famine."

I bet you didn't know that "AIDS and other infectious diseases" and "famine" were part of information war in the age of silicon spears! You fool, you.

The Chinese, writes Everett, are the leaders in information warfare.

Everett also invokes "robotics, nonlethality, pyscho-technology, cyberdefense, nanotechnology, 'brilliant' weapons systems, hyperflexible organizations, and 'fire ant warfare,'" in his essay. Apparently, all of the disciples of Spoonbender and the Great Cthulhu have not yet been banished from positions in which they dispense military advice. (See "Liquor in the front, poker in the rear of the flyin' saucer" in _this issue_).

"Matthew G. Devout, Brian K. Houghton, and 'Nil A. Polaroid' of Science Applications do significantly better than Everett in "Information Terrorism: Can You Trust Your Toaster?"

They, too, devote much of their essay to a science fiction tale. Unlike Everett's, this one has an end to it and involves Croatian electronic bogeymen. (Presumably more effective than Vice Miskovic, but about of the same talent in the p.r. department.)

It goes something like this:

The e-bogeymen obtain a weather forecast for their neck of the woods from the CNN Webpage. (What? The television doesn't work?) Stormy weather is the prediction and the terrorists have a plan all worked out: They go to a NATO airfield during violent weather and use their computers to jam the air traffic controller. Two C-130's on approach subsequently collide and crash. The e-bogeymen run off and immediately send communiques taking credit for the feat -- just like Vice Miskovic -- to the international newsmedia. They include a Webpage address in Holland. International news broadcasts publicize the Website. U.S. military men sitting around twiddling their thumbs all jump up in unison, turn on their PCs and surf to the Holland page. The page contains a boobytrap that is downloaded to their computers. The boobytrap goes off 24 hours later and the military suffers untold damage to its networks.

This actually sounds almost plausible until one starts to stack up the variables. The weather has to be stormy. The airfield has to remain open. The jamming has to work. The planes have to collide. The international news media must be paying attention and not fixating on O.J or JonBenet Ramsey _and_ it has to publicize the Dutch Website with its boobytrap instead of sending out reporters at the local bureaus in Croatia to try and find the terrorists for interview.

Crypt News stopped suspending disbelief at this point.

In the essay of "Nil A. Polaroid" and his colleagues as well as the writings of other information warriors, a common thread is the axiom that the military must be called in to work more closely with law enforcement in domestic issues. Crypt Newsletter sees this only as an extension of Cold Warrior paranoia. Now that the one big enemy is gone, the military needs new enemies. The best enemies are ones that are both internal and external at once, always vaguely definable in faux Tom Clancy-ish scenarios but never characterized or described with any great precision.

The Science Applications authors also have their own acronym, this one copped from an older acronym. Computer emergency response teams are known by the acronym CERT. Now, there must be DIRT, or a Digital Integrated Response Team. DIRT, or DIRTs, will be the same as CERT, except DIRT can attack an enemy. DIRT will also get its marching orders from "[an] information terrorism counterpart to the White House 'Drug Czar.'"

There are other information essays at the National Defense University Website (http://www.ndu.edu) but a better closer is this definition lifted from yet another of the information warriors:

"Machines and Microbes - Although one thinks of Star Trek and other science fiction when the subject of nanny machines [emphasis added, the author really means "nano-machines"] comes up, it is actually a feasible plan."

A vision of many Fran Dreschers -- "nanny machines" -- running amok on a distant battlefield hectoring the enemy into submission should bring a smile to your face and frame the discussion appropriately.

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