X-NEWS: spcvxb alt.sex.stories: 8208 Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-2; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb!rutgers!ucla-cs!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!mdisea!uw-coco!nwnexus!elf Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.motss Subject: Journal Entry 205 / 0866 [ Changing Bodies, Changing Lives ] (special) Message-ID: <1quk6o$l0k@nwfocus.wa.com> From: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg) Date: 19 Apr 93 16:32:24 GMT Sender: news@nwfocus.wa.com Organization: The 23:00 News and Mail Service NNTP-Posting-Host: nwfocus.wa.com Lines: 933 Xref: spcvxb alt.sex:91071 alt.sex.stories:8208 alt.sex.motss:4203 Note: I did not write this Journal Entry. It was written by someone who I count as a friend, and unlike the Journal Entry parody that appeared two years ago, I actually enjoyed reading this. So much so that, after talking to the author, I decided to include it in the series; it capture a lot of aspects of some of my favorite characters. It's written from a different perspective than my own, and for that reason alone I like it. I like it for other reasons, but that's a major one. This is NOT, however, an open invitation for other people to try their hand at writing Journal Entries of their own. This is a one- shot deal; I'm not interested in sharing my universe. I fought pretty hard to make it _mine_. Elf !!! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Pat's Journal 205 / 0866 "Patricia? Wake up. It's ten." I blinked my eyes, and opened them. AIs are wonderful as timers, but sometimes don't realize that people need more sleep than they say. We - I suddenly remembered something, and sat bolt upright in bed, too excited to be tired. "Today is the day!" "Pardon me, Patricia?" the AI said, a tone of confusion evident in his voice. "Today's the day I go through the Great Hall, Dave!" I shouted, bouncing up and down happily on the large bed. Why these things are so big, I guess I'll never know. "Oh yes, it is!" Dave - that was the AI's name - said, picking up on my excitement. Strange that he was acting like he heard nothing about it, since I had told everyone, including him, at _least_ a few thousand times. Dave continued, "Well, hurry up and get ready, then!" "It's not until mid-day - I just wanted to walk around, and see everyone for the last time in this form." Dave emitted an "mm-hmm" and left me alone, verbally anyway. But, 'until mid-day' meant a while to wait. One thing I liked about Pendor - the days were long. While there are 292 days in a Pendor year, the Ring orbited Pin, the local sun, in almost the same time Earth did around Sol. But that's 292 days in the space of 365, so - longer days. And if you think that's confusing, just think about how seasonal changes work on a torus. Also, Dave isn't as bad as I make him out to be, he's worse. Seriously, he helped me learn the Pendorian languages. Yup, every single one, even though Quen would have served me - I just like learning different languages. The Uncia vocabulary was my particular favourite - I was spitting everywhere when I first started. So, I got dressed on this clothing-optional world called Pendor, and I - I suppose I should tell all about myself, even though this is going to be erased. My name is Pat, short for Patricia, Chalnick, I'm a femHuman of ten Terran years, have long red hair on my head (and short red hair somewhere else, hee-hee) and freckles on my nose. That'll probably all change, of course, when I go through the Hall. I came to this world a few months ago, during a vacation that took slightly longer than I expected. When I first came to Pendor, I was envisioning a place where everyone gave tourists a wide berth, like they did in the Terran places I've visited. Actually, it was quite the opposite. Pendorians are friendly - too friendly, sometimes - and visitors gave the locals a large leeway. Suffice it to say, I like the place - Yup, I'm the victim of the "Well, it kinda grew on me." clique. So, after I told my parents that I was staying, (They weren't exactly pleased, but did send their love.) I sent my emigration documents to Ge (my home world, which is kinda slow in developing - some old beliefs remain - like having genuine parents.), and wandered around, looking for a home. It was on that trek that I met Ken Shardik. Don't pay any attention to those rumours that he's a heinous lech. He isn't heinous. He's a nice guy, if you treat him the right way. The right way is somewhere between reverence and arrogance. It came up as we idly talked that I was looking for a home, and he mentioned that he just happened to have a free room in his Castle. He's a smart guy, but a sucker for a dulcet voice. So I got the room. And access to other stuff. The hardest part was convincing him to give me some place to write my thoughts down. After reassuring him that I'd only use it for one day (today, the day I go through the Hall) he consented. I asked him if my entry would be kept; he told me to give him a copy when I was done, and then he'd decide. That usually means, "No, I won't, but I'll let you do it anyway so you can enjoy yourself." Ah well, a girl can always hope. And that's why I got it, why I'm recording my thoughts for my own edification. Putting on a bland blue terry-cloth robe, the one with my Tarot cards in the pocket, (One of my souvenirs from the satellite world Visconti - and they're pretty fun to play with, too - just something else to do when I'm alone, I suppose.) I walked over to the SDisk, deciding to leave for the Hall early, when someone knocked at the door. "Pat, Dave just told me you're awake. Come with me." Ken, of course. So, I turned towards the door, yawning gently, and opened it to the smiling visage of Ken Shardik. Ken was my only real friend - in a world like this, I can talk to anyone - I can 'get friendly' with anyone I want - but I know nobody as a friend. But I'd get more friends when I went through the Great Hall. I hoped. Loneliness is strange - I mean, you can take a walk unaccompanied along a beach, and not feel lonely, or stay in your room watching holocasts by yourself, and not feel lonely, but sometimes - it just hits you. Rather, it just bludgeons you repeatedly in the face. I'm glad I'm not completely alone, and have a friend like Ken. Ken smiled gently down at me. "I want to have a talk with you, cutie." I walked out of the room with him, his arm draped gently around my shoulder. "The SDisks aren't working, so we might as well walk..." I smiled, remembering a sign I saw a few days ago in the Castle: "SDisk temporarily in order." Ken continued, "...and talk. Do you know what going through the Great Hall means?" I did, but I knew he's more charitable when he thinks he's informing someone. So I shook my head. "First off, you're going to be a new person. Effectively, the old you dies, and you'll be born again, legally as well as physically. At least as far as Terra is concerned. So that means any ID you brought with you will be mere souvenirs in your future life. "Also, going to the Hall may take more than a day - it involves a long walk - at least it did when I brought someone else there." I looked up at him, feigning curiosity. "I'll tell you about Greta someday - but don't get any ideas - You're going alone." I nodded. Being alone was a familiar sensation. "But, I will show you through the Castle." he said, continuing down the hall. We saw P'nyssa, his lover. She's a femTindal, mostly blue furred, whose hands look similar to a hand-puppet - an open pad, with a thumb facing it, finely muscled. They're called mittens. Whatever. "Hello, Pat," she said, smiling gently, batting off an amorous Ken. She whispered something to him, and he nodded, giving her a final kiss. I didn't need to hear what she said. Not now, there's a youngster in the room. Just because I'm ten, doesn't mean I don't get urges! But, it was one of the few things I hadn't convinced Ken to do for me. I didn't have the courage to ask. I don't have the courage for anything. P'nyssa said, smiling down at me, "Good luck, Pat." I nodded, smiling back. Ken dragged me out of the room, and we were intercepted a few metres down the hall by Aaden, Ken's - lover. He's a melMephit, kind of a skunk type, but not smelly, almost exaggerated in his maleness. He said, "Why so subdued, Ken? You're usually all over me." Ken whispered something to Aaden, who nodded. Geez. Aaden winked down at me. "Good luck, Pat." I was attracted to Aaden a bit as well, pity he was gay. Ah well, nothing I can do about it - nor he. Ken and I met a few others, like his granddaughter Ember, who added the now-trite "good luck" plea. After meeting everyone, which took quite a while, it was mid-day. "Okay, Pat, like everyone else said, good luck. Now, take an SDisk to the start of the walk." I looked up at him, a slight snarl on my face. "You said they were broken. You lied!" He said with a serene mien, "I did. Just like you do when you talk with me. I don't need that act. I like you because - you're you." So he wasn't the ignoramus I had made him out to be. I was about to apologize when he added, "Now, go. You can apologize when you get back. Dave'll know who you are the moment you get back, but just to confirm it's you, tell him the word 'Tentiginous.'" "Tentiginous?" He smiled gently. "Yes, it's an Anglic word meaning 'lust- provoking.' Now go." he said, patting me gently on the bottom, then left me alone. Lust-provoking? Could he mean - me? Naah, it must have been just some random word. Ah well, up on the SDisk, and here I.... ....go. I looked around, hoping to see the Hall up close - it was, some sort of black wall. But there was a jungle circling it. I suppose it - the Hall - was testing me. Okay, I thought, I'll take the test. There was no way around the green moat, of course, only through. Animal screeches came from within, and I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I began to have second thoughts. Am I really sure I want to go in there? Do I really want to become a Pendorian? Do I - yes, I do! So, I stepped into the jungle, feeling the warm dampness permeate my skin. Hey, this isn't so - "HAAIIII!" What - the - hell - was - that? I stood still amidst the trees, and as I listened, the noise came again above the usual cacophony of the jungle. "HAAAAIIII!" It sounded sentient, like a voice! Should I go towards the voice? Or steer away from it? I decided to go towards it - Ken wouldn't direct me into a deathtrap. I hoped. Stumbling over roots, and strolling past creatures that scampered, terrorized, away from me, I finally came upon the place where I heard the noise, a sort of clearing. I looked around, but saw nothing. Weird "HAAAAAAAAAAAAI!" I heard, from directly above me. I looked up - he's coming straight at me, aw shiii.... I shut my eyes tight, shielding my face with my arms, waiting for him to land atop me, and do whatever he was going to do with my body. An afterimage of his body stayed, and I examined it - he was a melFelinzi, furred all in white except for some black tiger-like stripes. Pretty good-looking - and he looked to be about my age. Hey - what's taking him so long? I opened my eyes. "Hello, Human." he said, in subdued Felinzi, from somewhere behind me. I glanced around for him, and finally saw him leaning against a tree, his leg bent behind him propping him up, his tail swishing slowly. "Geez, you scared me shitless! Who the hell are you?" I said, venting both my anger and fear. Even in my anxiety, I remembered to speak in Felinzi - I'm not as stupid as I look. Laughing a bit, he said, "My name's Keersha. Pronounced Kir - shah. What's yours, cute Human?" Smiling politely I said, "Pat. Pronounced Pat." He laughed at that. "Funny as you are beautiful." Hey, I could learn to like this guy. I asked him, "What were you doing up in the trees, making that noise?" He looked pensive, then shrugged and said, "I dunno. Getting back to my feline heritage, or something. Why are you here?" I told him that I was going to the Hall, how I was to change myself. He pouted, and said, "Aww, you're going to replace that wonderful visage of yours? Pity." I smiled. "Thank you, Keersha." He smiled back. "Lovely Pat - what things interest your flawless life?" I thought. "Nothing much. While I'm alone, which is often, I don't do much." "What? You, alone? I would have thought people would be falling over each other to meet you." I shook my head, sighing, then to stop the thought from continuing, I said, "Well I sometimes do something interesting." "And what is that, comely Pat?" "A Tarot reading. Do you know what that is?" He shook his head. I told him, "It's something mystical, that was brought about on Terra a long time ago..." I trailed off, and took out the deck of cards. These were not the painted cards of old - these were holograms; the scene inside would move in three dimensions if a corner of the card was pressed. I picked out a sample card to show Keersha - it was the Four of Cups, upside down (The correct term for that is 'reversed.'). The card showed a man under a willow tree, four cups below him. When the corner was pressed, a cloud appeared, picked up one of the cups, and tried to hand it to the man - but he didn't want it, his arms crossed. Perfect - that card, reversed, signified the fear of being alone. Even the inanimate was against me. I quickly replaced the card. Looking up at him, and smiling gently, I said, "I do what's called a 'spread.' My favourite is the Horoscope Spread. Twelve cards - actually thirteen if I count the significator." "Significator?" "Yes - the card that represents the person." "Could you do a spread for me?" At that, I smiled widely. "Yes. your significator would be..." I said, as I riffled through the deck and picked out his card, "...The Knight of Swords. It represents a confident young man, with a subtle wit." I then placed the card down on the ground; fortunately, there was no wind. I then gave him the deck to shuffle. He shuffled the deck, and as he handed it back to me, I drew off the top card. I spoke, "Okay, this is the first card." Then flipped it over, and placed it to the left of the significator. "This is the First House, which rules the Self." It was the Eight of Pentacles, reversed. "Hmm. problems with work - meaningless toil." He nodded. "I don't like my job - I'm a farm hand for my father - but I simply just don't like the work. So I took an extended vacation, came here - and met you." He smiled again. I smiled back, starting to like Keersha - a bit. I then flipped over the second card. and placed it counterclockwise from the first - the plan was to make a clock-like shape - a zodiac. "This is the Second House, which rules Material goods - the Five of Wands." This spread was not coming easy - that card signified a power struggle; a play fight, though it meant that better results or ideas are to come. I told Keersha what the card meant, and added, "Something special is to come - something that you want, that you can't get - for a while. You will, eventually." The next card, ruled by Communications, was The Chariot, reversed. "This card means that quick talking will work for you - you will receive 'overnight success,' so to speak." A secluded thought floated in the back of my mind: Keersha was talking with me. I then drew off the next card off the deck. "Next card, which represents Home. The King of Wands, reversed. This card, as a person, represents an energetic man, strong of character, with a good sense of humour, and is excellent company. As an abstract card, however, it denotes negotiations and agreements. So you may be getting a new home, soon." He smiled again - a very nice smile - and said, "Perhaps with you?" "Um, perhaps - fifth card - rules pleasure, romance, and creativity." The card was the Two of Wands, again reversed. Uh-oh. "This card, when reversed, means partnership problems. You want to get into a relationship, but something - or someone - is holding you back." He shook his head. "I am in no relationship - yet..." he trailed off, beaming yet again. "I suppose you'd be the one holding me back." I looked up at him. "You'd want to get into a relationship with me?" "If you want to, enchanting Pat - may I see the next card?" "Er - Uh - sure. The sixth House signifies health and work. The Hierophant. This again, signifies a relationship - when you find work, your employer will be amicable, someone who will be able to give you sound advice." He nodded softly, and I continued with the next card. "Seventh house - partnerships. Six of Cups. Hmm - a relationship will slow down for a bit, but will get back together, stronger than before. It also signifies the past. What type of lover have you found as an ideal?" "I always hoped for a Felinzi lover - but being with you is starting to change my mind." Wow - from friend to lover in less than two cards - and the best thing was that I saw nothing wrong - I was starting to love Keersha too. I smiled at him, and gently nodded, then dealt out the eighth card. "The eighth House rules sex, death, and money - which all used to be taboo subjects on Terra. And the card is the Ten of Cups. Lasting happiness, dreams coming true, abundant joy. this is the hardest House to read, but I think it means you enjoy your sexuality." He nodded vigorously, and I erupted in giggles. I finally quieted myself, and got ready to read the next card. "The ninth house. Far horizons. That's travel, and the sort - your card is the Five of Swords. Yipes. A complex card. In this context, it signifies limitations. So you're not going too far away." "I shall never go anywhere without you." he said. Call it love at first sight, but I was attracted to Keersha - as I'm sure he was to me. I knew I wouldn't want to be without him, either - except for a short time to go through the Hall. "Three more cards, Keersha, then I'll have to go for the Hall - tenth card, connoting Career. The Moon, reversed." I thought for a while, trying to put the meaning of the card into context. "Okay - your career will be too good to be true, and if you're not careful, it WILL be. Be very wary, because you may lose your job if you don't do what your boss tells you. Don't goof off." He nodded again, and I quickly moved to the next card. "Eleventh house; friends. The card is..." I blinked. "...the Knight of Swords." I looked down at the centre of the almost completed circle, to check out Keersha's significator. The Knight of Swords. Apparently this deck of holographic cards had more benefits than animation. "Hmm. you already know the meaning of the card when referring to a person - it also has an abstract meaning - that of change, and surprise. Your friends change. I suppose that means me, huh?" I said, smiling. He nodded softly, and returned my smile. I then did something I thought I'd never do - I stood up, and gave him a hug. He hugged me back, quietly purring. I then added a kiss, which he returned quickly. Gazing into my eyes, he spoke softly, in a voice that I had come to love - "Isn't there a card remaining?" Giggling, I pulled from his embrace, and sat down by the spread. "This signifies what is hidden - fears, wishes, limitations - and it is the Page of Pentacles, reversed. Okay - there will be changes happening in your life, but they won't mean much in the long run." I took in a big breath, and let it out slowly. "Those are all the cards. Now for the whole story, how they all fit together - Hm - you work situation will change, but you must tread carefully. And you won't go far to find the job, but fortunately your new boss will be nice. "And, wow - most of these cards have to do with relationships. You'll have a new friend, that'll be yours through quick talking. But this relationship will be put on hold for a short while. Fortunately it will be back, stronger than ever - and the delay won't mean much in the long run. "Also, you may be moving, soon. And - you like your sexuality." I finished, grinning. I picked up the cards, put them back on the pack, and tossed it into my robe pocket. "Well, Keersha - I'm off to the Hall. See you - friend." He nodded, but added as he gazed into my eyes, "Pat? Since I'll most likely never see you like this again, can we show our amicability for each other - by making love?" Moments ago, I would have thought he was mad, but through the spread, I had come first to endure, to like, and then to....I was about to nod - it was most likely he hadn't done it either, since he seemed to be about ten or eleven, like me. Finally, someone who understood my urges! But my subconscious was saying no. Annoying thing, my subconscious. Yes, I thought to myself, yes! But, I finally said, "Well, I don't think I'm ready for that right now." "Can I lick your pussy?" I shook my head, giggling inwardly. A pussy licking pussy. I said, delaying, "Not until I go through the Hall. Then you can." I saw him pout again, then added, "But you can watch me masturbate." Bye-bye pout. Undoing the robe that was totally out of place in my present surroundings, I laid it out on the ground, then laid atop it, exposing my slightly conical breasts - they had only been maturing for a few months - and my sparsely-haired cunny. He scurried down, moving his face close to my vulva. "Not so close, Keersha, unless you want your nose wet." He grinned, and was about to say something, but shut his mouth, and moved his head back. As I moved my hand towards my thin labia, I thought about what I was doing, splayed naked in front of an almost total stranger, soon to be masturbating madly away. But, what the heck, I was probably never going to do this in this form again. And I don't think I'd do it for anyone else but Keersha. And from the excitement on his eyes, I wasn't the only one about to enjoy this. I pressed my hand against my almost-hairless pubic lips, brushing against my tiny clit, and let out a small gasp. For me, that first touch is my second favourite part of masturbation. As I rubbed up and down my lips gently, loving the feelings I was getting, Keersha licked his lips, and started to move his head down. I lifted my head up, and distractedly moaned, "No, Keersha - absolutely no licking my cunny! At least not until I go through the Gate." He pouted, his bottom lip extending cutely, then moved his head back. Soon enough, I was wet, and was moaning wildly, my fingers slipping all over my crotch. I was in the middle of nowhere - I didn't care how much noise I made. I felt that warmth that portended an orgasm expand inside me, and I closed my eyes, my hand rubbing faster and faster. I must come - I had an audience. Trying to hurry myself, I entered a few fingers into my now moist cunny, moving them rapidly in and out of myself as I flicked my clit with my thumb. A slight tugging at a developing breast surprised me, and I opened my eyes to see Keersha sucking and tonguing away at a petite pink nipple. I was about to tell him to stop, but something more important happened. Shrieking shrilly, I came, (which is my first favourite part of masturbation.) my feet thumping against the resilient ground of the jungle floor. And I knew what had put me over was Keersha. I caressed his head as he sucked, trying to envelop my whole tit with his mouth. I finally said, "Nothing's gonna come out of there. Stop." He gave my stiff nipple one last lick, then sat straight. "Mmmm - you had a marvellous look on your face when you climaxed - a REAL contented look." He imitated it, and I giggled. Still trying, he added, "Can I lick you now?" I sat up, still catching my breath, then shook my head. Looking into his marmalade-orange eyes, I said, "No, Keersha! I told you, after I go through the Hall!" He weaved his tail low, and whimpered a dejected, "Okay. I can wait. Maybe." His ears weren't laid back, so I knew he was just acting. Sliding on my soiled robe, and tying it up, I said, "You'll have to. But to last you until then..." After I trailed off, I gave him a close kiss. Even though I hardly knew him, I felt like he was a friend. He returned the kiss, and anted up with a tight hug. He broke the kiss, and whispered closely into my ear, cleaning it out with his tongue as he spoke. "You're incredible, my Human companion. Well, the Hall's near. Now, hurry up. And hasten back." I nodded, and walked off towards the Hall, leaving my new friend Keersha behind. I had used "when I come back from the Hall" as a postponement, thinking I'd not want him to lick me down there, but now that I thought about it - it'd be nice for a friend to do it - but bigger things faced me. The Great Hall, primarily. And there it was. I started walking slowly towards it, still giddy from what I had just done. Slight disappointment. I had expected the Hall to be some giant gate, with psychedelic colours, out of that Terran movie "2001." Nope, just a long hallway between two simple metal doors. Two things I suppose I should mention. I came out a Felinzi, black-furred, sable as night, with paws - or whatever they're called. Oh yeah, the other thing. I came out male. Slightly pisses you off to regain consciousness, and to see this extra piece of flesh hanging off your body along with the expected fur. Ah well, I was stuck with this body for eternity, I had better get used to it. I put on my slightly tighter robe - I had a more muscular frame now, but kept the same height - and I suddenly remembered someone. Keersha. I found him eventually - he was by the SDisk I had come out of - a massive, polished marble stone, on the shore of a pond; a circle was precisely etched on one face. Keersha was sitting beneath a weeping willow near the pond, drumming his hands on the ground beside him. Logically, this was the best place for him to wait, because I had to come back through the SDisk to return to the Castle. As I neared, he looked up at me. Standing up, he spoke, "Hello, handsome melFelinzi. I'm waiting for a femHuman, just a bit taller than I am, with scarlet tresses - although she has most likely changed. Have you seen her around?" He smiled, and added, "Sorry of me not to introduce myself - I am Keersha, pronounced Kir - shah. What is your name, if I may be so forward?" At this, I sighed inwardly. He was expecting me as a girl. I told him my name - what else could I do? "Pat. Pronounced Pat." I reiterated, using my old name - it was androgynous enough to keep. "I am - was the femHuman you were looking for." I said, waiting for him to laugh derisively at me, and walk away. He didn't. He just looked me over, then said, "How fascinating." he continued his gaze mutely, then snapping his eyes back into mine, added with a grin, "Guess I can't lick your cunny, huh?" I laughed at that - then stopped suddenly. If he didn't mind me being male, then he would want to...."Um - I'm going back home." I said, looking for the nearest SDisk. "Mind if I tag along, Pat?" he purred. Why not. Maybe I could think of something to get him off my tail and forget about me. I didn't mind his affection when I was female, but now that I was male, I felt some sort of - I dunno. But something nagged at me - he was a good friend. Should I just write him off forever? No, but things'd be different between us than they would have been, I was sure of that. "Sure, come along. I'll show you around." I stepped on the SDisk.... ....and was back at Shardik Castle. Keersha appeared beside me soon after, looking slightly amazed. "You live at Sharrrrdik Castle?" he said, exaggerating his caiss in his incredulity. I nodded gently, for I wasn't as awed as he was about where I was. It was only lodging, after all - even if they were the most prestigious quarters on the Ring. Looking up into the ceiling, I spoke the word that would let Dave recognize me. "Tentiginous." I looked over at Keersha, who didn't react. Lucky for me he didn't know Anglic. "Welcome back, Pat. I'm telling Ken that you're here. Who's your friend?" Keersha answered for me, still in a slight state of shock. "Keersha Sovaj. Pronounced Kir-shah So-vahj." "Your DNA pattern isn't on any of the lockout lists, nor is that name. Welcome, Keersha. Pat, here comes Ken." Ken entered, looking at us. His jaw dropped, not seeing the fem he anticipated. "Both of you - mels? Apparently the Hall trip didn't go as you expected, hmm, Pat? Which one of you is it, anyways?" "Vatare'! I can't believe I've met you!" Keersha shouted, running over to Ken. Ken looked over at me, seeming uncomfortable as Keersha bowed before him. "You must be Pat. She - er, he - wouldn't react like that." He walked over to me, but not after giving Keersha a short speech on how he preferred communication to exaltation. "Pat, perhaps you only appear and smell male. Take off your robe." I smirked as Keersha looked up at me. Why not get a holocam in here for everyone to see? I slid off my robe, and let it fall muffledly to the ground, slightly embarrassed, but secure in the fact that Ken wouldn't jump me. Bending down in front of me, he studied my penis. "No doubt about it - you're male - may I examine it closer?" He moved his hands closer to show he wanted to feel it, and I pulled away. "No! Don't!" "Don't want to be touched, Pat?" Ken said. My claws extending fully, I burned my eyes into him and shouted, "NO, DAMMIT! I JUST..." I shuddered, and continued in a squeak, "...dunno." Ken gazed silently up at me, then nodded. "I think I may see your problem." Looking over to my Felinzi companion, he advised, "Do me a favour, Keersha. I want to talk to this young mel alone. Feel free to wander around, find someone to give you a tour or something. Just don't go too far - You're invited to dinner." Keersha nodded, and walked slowly off, 'wow'ing quietly every so often as he beheld miraculous sights. Ken held his arm around me, and I pulled away, whimpering. He sighed quietly, then whispered, "Okay then, Pat - follow me." "Where are we going?" I said, hating my deep male voice. It didn't have the melodious quality of my old one. "Living room." Ken said, as we arrived. He then went silent. I looked up at him, and he smiled down at me. "Finding out where Aaden is, Pat." "Aaden?" I said his name more in shock than confusion. I knew who - and what - he was. "Yes, my Mephit lover, and sometime pet, remember? He's jogging down the beach - I'm calling him now. Okay, he's coming. Now, while we're waiting - do you want to talk to me?" I shrugged, not uttering a word. Ken gazed at me solemnly, and finally broke the uneasy silence by whispering, "Pat, how did you meet Keersha?" "Well, as I left the SDisk, I..." I started, and proceeded with the whole story: The spooking, the Tarot reading, the masturbation - Ken nodded through the entire dialogue, simply listening. "...and then I followed you in here, and you called Aaden." Ken nodded again, then spoke. "Pat - do you love Keersha?" I stared Ken in the eyes, and nodded. He tranquilly added, "Then what's the problem, Pat? Nowadays, the concept of two mels loving each other isn't as diabolic as it was when I first came to Pendor." I sighed deeply, closing my eyes as I answered. "It is where I come from. When my satellite world was first colonized, we were more concerned about procreation than pleasure. That meant, at least it did way back then, that same-sex relationships were 'pointless.' And after a while, people started thinking - It isn't done, therefore it is evil, therefore must be hated. And as much as I want not to, I can't help but think that whever I see Keersha." Ken gently responded, "Just like Terra around the beginning of the twenty-first century - a mindset I hate to admit I was a part of. But I got over it, and..." Just then Aaden walked in. Ken introduced us, then left us alone. Perfect. In the same room with a - with what I am now. A mel who liked other mels. Erolie'. Aaden sat down on a large sofa, then gently patted the spot next to him. I stood in the middle of the room, tail weaving nervously, a stupid habit I had quickly picked up. He waited for me to approach, then finally said, "Don't worry, Pat. I'm not going to bite." I completed the cliche with, "Unless I ask, huh?" Aaden nodded with a slight smile, then spoke, "Now, sit down. What's troubling you?" Duh, isn't it obvious? "That I'm male." He looked at himself, patting his sheath, which obscured the cock that I was once attracted to - and still am - and grinned, "So am I, Pat." Still gazing at his sheath, I whispered, "You're used to it. You were always male. I wasn't before. I....I just dunno what to do!" Finally breaking the gaze from his shaft that slowly emerged from his sheath as it started hardening - hardening from me, dammit - I looked into his eyes, and whispered, "Do you?" He aahed gently. "So, that's why Ken called me all the way back to the Castle. He could have told you himself there's nothing wrong with what you are." He was silent for moment, thoughtful. "Pat?" "Yes?" I said, almost crying. I fought back the tears and shuddered out a, "What?" "Are you attracted to me?" Yes, shithead. "I am." "Do you want to do anything with me?" Yes, but....but I'm a.... I screamed. Hoo BOY, did I scream. I also tore up the bed pretty good with my claws. Aaden held my flailing arms, then shouted over my screams, "Stop!" At his commanding voice, I did. He spoke in a stern voice, "The body you're in is yours. Nothing can change that. The fact that you're attracted to me may, but not soon." He undid my robe for me, and forced my left paw easily to my crotch, then said, "Touch." I touched myself lightly, scarcely feeling anything. Aaden forced his and my paws down into my crotch firmly, quietly asserting, "No, Pat, TOUCH yourself. That thing is part of you, get used to it." I touched myself gingerly, shuddering with both pleasure and apprehension as I handled the soft shaft under my paw. Aaden was right. I was stuck with me, I might as well get used to it. I wrapped my hand around my rod, and rubbed up and down on it, feeling it get harder as it filled with my own warm blood. God, that felt good. So good in fact, that I continued doing it. Aaden released his grip on me as I masturbated for the first time in my new form, and he watched me gently. Still not used to myself, I closed my eyes, and just enjoyed the feelings I was getting as I pulled my hand up and down that piece of stiff flesh that was now part of me, my hips thrusting uncontrollably in my bliss. It felt different. There was still a warmth in my crotch that suffused to the rest of my body like I used to feel, but the centralized feeling was at the head of my cock instead of my clit, and it just got better and better....and better.... ...and I opened my eyes, to see something clear-white jet out of the slit at the end of my shaft. I was coming! I spurted several times over my chest and stomach, and I kept stroking, savouring the sensation that felt so good it hurt, but I noticed that my penis was suddenly sensitive. I released it, letting it lie there, allowing it to get soft. I then looked over at Aaden, my breath still rapid. He suddenly screamed, and then spurted his own seed over his black and white pelt. He had been masturbating too! He massaged himself a few more times, gasping slightly, then grinned selfishly over to me. "Sorry, Pat. I don't care what Ken says about you being only a child - you looked so nice I couldn't help myself." I did? Yes, I did. I knew subconsciously that I had a magnificent body, whatever sex, and it took being closely aware of it, like I just had, for me to finally realize that. (And, I just noticed - Geez, Aaden is big. How does the guy wear shorts without ripping a hole in them whenever he gets excited?) Rubbing a slightly slicked paw that I didn't mind the feel of on my head, he whispered, "Ah, well. It's a fetish I'll learn to live with. I might tell you about Sufi sometime. Starting to feel better about yourself, Pat?" Sticking my tongue out of my mouth, trying to catch my breath, I nodded. "Still feel attracted to me?" I nodded to that as well. "Are you attracted to girls?" I had never told anyone before, but I was, kinda. I never told anyone before Aaden, that is. "Well, I'm not." he shrugged. "Now, we should get ourselves cleaned up." We did, and I experienced the fun of getting dried semen out of fur. Fur - that was something that was at the back of my mind until I had time to think about it in the warmth of the shower, now that my other concern had been attended to - I'd need a lot more shampoo than I did before. And then there was the joy of fleas. And I now had a prehensile tail, an extra hand to hold things with. And - aw, shit, I forgot! Keersha! I looked at Aaden, who was using the shower-stall for more pleasurable purposes, then said, "I'm going now to find someone." Aaden nodded, 'mmhmm'ing distractedly, as he slid down the shower wall, to the floor, masturbating anew. I lingered for a while, watching with curiosity, until he looked up at me and moaned, "Didn't you say you were going somewhere?" I giggled with my deep voice, (which wasn't all that bad - it was nice and resonant) then left the shower. As I stood in front of the fur drier whatchamacallit, combing myself dry, I reflected. Ken knew what he was doing when he installed water showers, instead of the sonic type now prevalent on Terra. Water felt good and warm - and good - and wasn't a simple tingling leading to a puff of smoke, and a pile of dust on the floor. Perhaps it was a maternal memory, but warmth seems to equal cleanliness. I pulled the comb one last time through my now-dry fur, then laughed as I heard a yell echo from the shower. Geez, Aaden, you'll never get your fur clean that way.... I put on my robe, now clean - sonics were still used for clothes - and left the room, looking for Keersha. Keersha was still walking around the Castle, awed. His eyes fell upon me. "Hiya, handsome. Where ya been?" Feeling totally unabashed, I walked over and hugged him. "Talking to Aaden, and taking a shower." I said, grinning. He gave me his pout. "Awww, and I couldn't watch?" I moved my mouth close to his ear, and whispered, "I have a better idea." Should I really say this? Why not? "Remember when we met in the jungle by the Hall? When I was a femHuman? And you mentioned that you wanted to lick my cunny?" He nodded, and I stopped his protest by adding, "Of course, you can't now, but you can....you can suck me." Go ahead, turn around and leave. He did turn around, and my heart plummeted - but he didn't leave. "Got a more private room around here?" he said, and turned around again, a wide, albeit goofy, grin on his muzzle. That smile erased all my doubts about myself. Hell, if he didn't care about what I was, why should I? "Yes - my room." I said, walking towards my chamber, opening the door. He tagged along behind, and I ran to the bed, flumphing down. As Keersha joined me excitedly, I understood why the thing was so big. The bed, that is. In case I had friends over. I undid my robe - why the hell am I wearing the thing if I keep taking it off? - dropped it to the floor, and laid back on the bed, which was slightly more comfy than the jungle where we last met, and revealed my new body to Keersha. Gazing at my body, particularly at my penis, Keersha licked his lips again. "You may not have breasts or a cunny any more, but you're still adorable." As he crawled to position his face between my legs, I pondered that. While he didn't directly say so, he said that he didn't mind being with a boy or girl. Good point. Later, I might find myself a willing femWhatever, and get friendly - but now - I looked down at Keersha, who was sniffing away at my still-soft shaft. He suddenly gave it a lick, and I moaned, pressing my head back against the pillow, mewling gently. He tongued it a few more times, watching and feeling it stiffen. Pausing, he looked up into my eyes. "You taste nice." Shut up, and keep licking! "Thank you, Keersha." I smiled. He tongued my rod a few more times, then encompassed it with his warm mouth. Oh, god, that felt good. Apparently, he didn't have a gag reflex, because he soon had my whole cock in his mouth. He let the thing almost completely out of his mouth, then drew it back in, and - wow. I just closed my eyes, and let him please me. He quickened his pace after a while, and I moaned, thrusting myself uncontrollably into - the roof of his mouth. The angle was all wrong. I opened my eyes. He had turned himself upside down, hovering just above me. After I promised myself not to close my eyes ever again - every time I did, something unusual happened - I said, "Now just what do you want me to do?" Abruptly noticing his shiny pink shaft aiming at me, I didn't have to wait for an answer. I neglected the licking, and simply put my mouth around it, savouring its taste, how it had the bitter tang of urine at its tip. Not sure as Keersha what to do, I sucked, and was acknowledged with a large moan which matched my own. Evidently, he liked it, so I kept sucking away. Meanwhile, I was about to come. He sensed this, and sucked and licked harder. I came, gushing forth into his mouth, my claws extending, forcing with a 'thpt-thpt-thpt' noise into the bed, then retracting. Wow. As Keersha looked back at me with a messy, dripping smile on his face, I continued sucking away. Under my rather inexpert guidance, he came, his features contorting in ecstasy as he spurt into my mouth, his tail sweeping gently back and forth against my face. I knew I couldn't swallow his semen like he had mine, so I spat it out onto the floor beside the bed. Let the cleaners take care of it. As I caught my breath, Keersha turned around again, and squirmed in next to me, hugging me closely. "That was exquisite, handsome Pat." I nodded, hugging him back - when a certain quasi-deity knocked at the door. Geez, Ken, ever hear of privacy? I had Dave let him in. Ken entered, singing. "Why do birds....suddenly appear....oh, hiya, kiddies. How are you doing?" he said, grinning widely. "We're doing fine, Ken." I said smirking, then added, "Why the Hell did you interrupt us like that?" Did I just say the word I thought I said? Talk about a change in a person. And I'm not just talking about becoming a melFelinzi. "Because Dave said you had just - finished." I began to seriously doubt the 'I' half of AI. Ken continued, "Keersha, if you're not too cuddly with Pat, could you please leave?" Keersha nodded, added his famous pout, and left. And I suddenly longed for him, a feeling I've never had before. Ken sat down on the bed next to me, and I wondered what he had in mind. Would he....As if scanning my mind, he said, "No, I'm not going to do anything like that, Pat. Not now, anyway. And even though you're now male, your face still reminds me of....someone named Donna." I wonder if that's why he chose me as a friend? He looked on the verge of tears. Apparently it wasn't a good memory that he recalled. He finally shook his head clear, and continued, "I came in here to talk." "Like about Keersha? I think I'm starting to..." Do I? Yes, I do. "...love him." There. I said it. "That's good, Pat. But you may have noticed something else. You're not as lonely as you were before. While that," he said, pointing to my recently-used cock, "was an accident, Keersha wasn't. "You really needed a close friend, besides me - I'm simply not around like a friend should be. But I do care a lot about you. Dave scanned Pendor, and Keersha turned out to be perfect for you. It didn't take too much computing power, but it's not the type of thing I do often....so we hope you won't need another friend for a while..." He winked, then added, "So, we fastidiously led him to the Hall without his knowledge. And that's how we introduced you two." Glancing at my crotch again, he smiled. "Fortunately, Dave thought about this a bit more than I did. He thought of that possibility when I didn't, so he added 'three Yolie' required' to the search argument. Anyway, Pat....you've had a long day. Get some sleep." Patting my tummy, and kissing my forehead, he whispered, "Good night." and left the room, singing, "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match....deedle dee dee..." As Dave turned off the lights, I climbed under the rumpled covers. What a day, What a day....my head hit the pillow, and I closed my eyes. And I recalled what I had said about shutting my eyes when someone squirmed in beside me, holding me gently, nibbling on my ear. Keersha. "I love you, attractive Pat. Ken said he'd let me stay for a while." "I love you too, Keersha." I muttered, falling asleep, my last thoughts being, pity this entry is going to be erased..... After I read the copy Pat gave me, my first impulse was to erase it utterly and forget about it. Because as young a kid as Pat is rarely given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to making his or her own decisions. But _she_ deserved it. She proved to me that she wanted to walk the Hall, that she was ready to move, and that there was no reason for her to go home. She _earned_ her place in my home, in the eyes of me and my family. So don't any of you reading this get any ideas, or I'll have to make the lockout on my SDisks a little more permanent. Besides, when he finally reads this five centuries from now, I hope he gets a very solid blush from it. I'm rambling, so I'll just date and sign this - Ken Shardik, 205 / 0866 - -- "Changing Bodies, Changing Lives" (c) 1992 David McGrath. The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., And Related Tales are (c) 1989, 1992. May be freely distributed by cybernetic media; hardcopies are limited to single printings for personal use. -- elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg) "The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little pratice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!" - Bill Watterson's Calvin.