*THINGS TO DO WHEN YOUR BORED* -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog...see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house...Day-Glo Orange -Have a formal dinner at White Castle -Read Homer in the original Greek -Change your mind -Learn Greek -Change it back -Watch the sun...see if it moves -Stand on your head -Build a pyramid -Stand on someone else's head -Spit shine your Nikes -See how long you can stay awake -Paint your teeth -See how long you can sleep -Wear a salad -Speak with a forked tongue -Get your dog braces -Shave a shrub -Have a proton fight -Watch a car rust -Quiver -Rotate your carpet -Learn to type...with your toes -Set up your Christmas tree in April -Buy the Brooklyn Bridge -Be someone special -Mail it to a friend -Go back to square one -Factor your social security number -Take the fifth -Memorize a series of random numbers -Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages -Join the Foreign Legion -Learn Sanskrit -Exist...existentially, of course -Print counterfeit Confederate money -Kick a cabbage -Take a picture -Sandpaper a mushroom -Put it back -Play solitaire...for cash -Abuse your patio furniture -Run for Pope -Count to a million...fast -Make a schematic drawing...of a rock -Commit seppuku...with a paper knife -Revert -Think shallow thoughts -Sleep on a bed of nails -Boil ice cream -DON'T toss and turn -Run around in squares -Think of quadruple entendres -Speak in acronyms -Have your pillow X-rayed -Drink straight shots...of water -Calmly have a nervous breakdown -Give your goldfish a perm -Fly a brick -Play tag...on 35W -Exorcise a ghost -Be blue -Exercise a ghost -Be red -Paint stripes on a lake -But don't be orange -Ski Kansas -Sleep in freefall -Kill a Joule -Test thin ice...with a pogo stick -Apply for a unicorn hunting license -Do a good job -Crawl -Invite the Mansons over for dinner -Paint your windows -Watch a watch until it stops -Flash your goldfish -Paint -Flirt with an evergreen -Smile -Rotate your garden...daily -Paint a smile -Shoot a fire hydrant -Pretend you're blind -Apologize to it -Plant a shoe -Sweat -Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil -Turn -Take your sofa for a walk -Write a letter to Plato -Start -Mail it -Stop -Dial 911 and breathe heavily -Go to a funeral...tell jokes -Play the piano...with mittens on -Starch your shoes -Polish your Calvin's -Contemplate a cockroach -Get a dog to chase your car -Investigate the Czar -Let him catch it -Form a political party -Climb a sidewalk -Have a political party -Get diagonal...with a good friend -Ride a loaf of bread -Sharpen a carrot -Interrogate a gerbil -Annoy yourself -Get mad at yourself -Stop speaking to yourself -Be a side effect -Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley -Duck -Redecorate...your garage -Develop a complex -Join the Army...be someone simple -Try harder -Hit the deck -Put legwarmers on your furniture -Cut the deck -Scheme -Sit -Water your family room -Stay -Cause a power failure -Roll over -Wriggle -Play dead -Donate your brother's body to science -Find a witch -Ask why -Burn her -Regress -Sleepwalk without sleeping -Go bow hunting for Toyotas -Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids -Jump back -Play to lose -Scalp a street light -Have your car painted...plaid -Read a tomato -Sharpen your sleeping skills -Watch a game show...take notes -Put out a fire -Interview a cloud -If you can't find a fire, make one -Play tiddlywinks...go for blood -Play basketball...in a minefield -Crumple -Translate Shakespeare into English -Skydive to church -Cheer up a potato -Do aerobic exercises...in your head -Play cards with your swimming pool -Pinstripe your driveway -Play Kick the Fire Hydrant -Harness chipmunk power -Build a house with ice cubes -Call London for a cab -Mug a stop sign -Change your name...daily -Go for a walk in your attic -Challenge your neighbor to a duel -Try to join Hell's Angels by mail -Wonder -Be a square root -Ask stupid questions -Weld your car doors shut -Spew -Vacation at Three-Mile Island -Surf Ohio -Teach your pet rock to play dead -Go bowling for small game -Be a monk...for a day -Wear a sweatband to your wedding -Staple -Run away -Intimidate a piece of chalk -Abuse the plumbing -Bend a florescent light -Bend a brick -Annoy total strangers -Don't talk to things -Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling -Have your cat bronzed -Have your gerbil gilded -Write books about writing books -Create random equations -Mispell words -Tell your feet a joke -Throw a tomato into a fan -Sing the ABC song backwards -Pretend you're a dog -Dial-a-prayer and argue with it -Grease the doorknobs -String up a room -Stack furniture -Relive fond memories -Tie your shoelaces together -Gargle -Count your teeth with your tongue -Decay -Find your half-life -Build a house out of toothpicks -Howl -Wear a lampshade on your head -Memorize the dictionary -Stomp grapes in the bathtub -Find a bug and chase it -Make yourself a pair of wings -Be immobile -Dance 'til you drop -Check under chairs for chewing gum -Squish a loaf of bread -Moo -Bounce a potato -Outmaneuver your shadow -Climb the walls -Appreciate everything -Challenge yourself to a duel -Believe in Santa Claus -Let the best man win -Throw marshmallows against the wall -Hold an ice cube as long as possible -Adopt strange mannerisms -Blow up a balloon until it pops -Sing soft and sweet and clear -Open everything -Sing loud and sour and gravelly -Balance a pencil on your nose -Pour milk in your shoes -Write graffiti under the rug -Embarass yourself -Grind your teeth -Chew ice -Count your belly button -Sit in a row -Stack crumbs -Gesture -Save your toenail clippings -Make a pass at your blender -Punt -Make up words that start with X -Make oatmeal in the bathtub -Search for the Lost Chord -Chew on a sofa cushion -Sing a duet -Balance a pillow on your head -Hold your breath -Faint -Stretch -Flash your mailman -Teach your TA English -Learn to speak Farsi -Swear in Russian -Use an eraser until it goes away -Disassemble your car -Record your walls -Put it together inside out -Interview your feet -Make a list of your favorite fungi -Sell formaldehyde -Make napalm -Tattoo your dresser -Watch a bowling ball -Buy some diapers -Eat everything -Begin -Pour milk in the sink -Make cottage cheese -Tie-dye your sheets -Hold your earlobes -Carpet your ceiling -Fold your earlobes -Flap -Squak -Read tea leaves -Analyze the Koran -Be Buddah -Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize -Plug in the cat -Turn on everything -Drop pebbles down the chimney -Turn off your neighbor -Kill a plant -Buy a 1931 Almanac -Memorize the weather section -Think lewd thoughts about yourself -Peel grapes -Send chills down your spine -Make paper from the skins -Blow bubbles -Bloat -Catch them with your radiator -Get run over by a train of thought -Make up famous sayings -Bite your pinkie -File your teeth -Design a better toilet seat -Shred a newspaper -Scratch -Have a headache -Sniff -Hatch an egg -Memorize the phone book ÕÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͸ ³ Contact The Phone Losers Of America Nearest You! The P.L.A. Voice Mailbox ³ ³ number is 512-370-4680. And PLEASE don't pay for your phone calls. -RBCP ³ ÔÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;