The Humor Processor (joke writing software) Copyright 1989 David Batterson After evaluating so many of the usual software products like word processing, desktop publishing, graphics, utility, database and communications programs, it's always enjoyable to review something really fun and different. Such a product arrived in the mail recently, and I dropped what I was doing at the time [good thing I wasn't carrying an anvil!] to take a look. It's called The Humor Processor. I like the title, as it describes the function of the program correctly. Just like a word processor, it's a tool, but the true creativity must still come from your own brain. Author Alan Macy of Berkeley, CA (where lots of brainy and witty people live) could have called it The Gag Grabber, The Funny Formulator, The Comedy Constructor, The Pun Picker, or The Joke Jerker. But luckily for us, he resisted the temptation. The Humor Processor is a two-part program. The first part is a large database of jokes. You search the database by category (religion, lawyers, animals, etc.), by occasion (birthday, dinner, speech, etc.), or by key words (money, cats, women, work, football, etc.). If you like, you can just "Browse through the Database" and read the jokes at random. Some of them are funny, some rather stale (like the "Sahara Forest" joke, or the prisoner telling jokes by calling out numbers), and a few I thought were passe (the drinking jokes). I liked this one: "The other day, the local department store was running a special. I bought a toaster, and they gave me a free Savings and Loan Association." You can easily rewrite the jokes, or add new ones that you make up or hear at work or parties. The database is basically a starting point, and is not meant to be the best source of jokes. You can buy many books for that. The main purpose of The Humor Processor is to help newsletter editors, politicians, teachers, deejays, columnists, dinner speakers and others to liven things up with some good (and hopefully original) humor. As the manual states, "trying to come up with a funny line can be very frustrating. The Humor Processor eases the pain significantly...as you work at it, you'll see a steady improvement in your comic output." Which brings us to the best part of the program, the Brainstorm section. After hearing some of the humor on TV, I think some of those writers could use a Brain Hurricane section! First of all, you come up with the humor concept, which The Humor Processor calls the "setup." This means the type of joke or humor, such as "Exaggeration," perhaps used best by Rodney Dangerfield: "I was so poor that...she's so ugly that...", etc. Other Humor Processor setups include "Malapropisms" ["I guess I'll have to start from scraps."--Casey Stengel], "Definitions," "Play on Words," "Cliche Rewrites" ["Old postman never die, they just lose their zip."], "Misdirection," "Puns," and other types. The Brainstorm section lets you use lists of what are called "Images." These images contain such data as movie titles, common cliches, well-known personalities, things related to kids, television, and so forth. The files can be used as is, or edited. You can easily create new categories too. You then load two image files of your choice, with each displayed side by side. You scroll through the lists (automatically or manually), to match up words and ideas. It's a lot easier that it may sound. For instance, I imported the COMPUTER.DTA file into the left side, and the SONG.DTA file into the right. I soon came up with this joke: There's a new antiviral computer software program out now. It's called "Beat It." Next I loaded movie titles into the left side, and common expressions into the right. After scrolling around a while, I created this one: "They say a fool and his money are soon parted......I think that was said by the producer of Conan The Barbarian." OK, those aren't the greatest, but it gives you the idea of how The Humor Processor works. It helps you use free association to conjure up new and odd combinations, which is what humor is all about. The program's interface is nicely done, and very intuitive. There were no surprise offbeat commands, like I sometimes see in programs from small software publishers, such as (F2> to save a file! The requirements are simple: 320K available RAM, and PC- or MS-DOS 2.0 or higher. The program also supports a Microsoft-compatible mouse. The spiral- bound manual explains everything well, and even includes a list of humor books, newsletters and organizations. I liked The Humor Processor very much, and recommend it highly. I plan on using it many times. The Humor Processor is available directly from the publisher for $49.95 plus $5 shipping and handling. I don't know if it's available from software stores and mail order companies. For orders or information, contact Responsive Software, 1901 Tunnel Road, Berkeley, CA 94705; 800-669-4611, 415-843-1034. # David Batterson enjoys good humor as much as he does good software. Send your favorite jokes or comments via MCI Mail: DBATTERSON.