ANDRE ARBOGAST's Smiley Dictionary!
<8|:-)

  The Unofficial Smilie Dictionary
 >>--------------------------------
  :-)   Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or
        joking statement since we can't hear voice inflection
  ;-)   Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark.
        More of a "don't hit me for what I just said" smilie.
  :-(   Frowning smilie. User did not like that last statement or is
        upset or depressed about something.
  :-I   Indifferent smilie. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite
        as good as a happy smilie
  :-|   Same as :-I above
  :-]   biting sarcasm
  :-[   biting criticism
 >:->   User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-).
 >>:->  User just made a really devilish remark.
 >>;->  Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.

  Those are the basic ones...Here are some somewhat less common ones:

  :-(*) User is about to vomit
  };^)  The devil made the user type that remark
  :%)%  User has acne
  :~)   User needs a nose job
 >:>)   User has a big nose
  (-:   User is left handed
  %-)   User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight
  :*)   User is drunk
  [:]   User is a robot
  8-)   User is wearing sunglasses
  B:-)  Sunglasses on head
  ::-)  User wears normal glasses
  B-)   User wears horn-rimmed glasses
  8:-)  User is a little girl
  :-)-8 User is a Big girl
  :-{)  User has a mustache
  :-{}  User wears lipstick
  {:-)  User wears a toupee
  }:-(  Toupee in an updraft
  :-[   User is a Vampire
  :-E   Bucktoothed vampire
  :-F   Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing
  :-7   User just made a wry statement
  :-*   User just ate something sour
  :-)~  User drools
  :-~)  User has a cold
  :'-(  User is crying
  :'-)  User is so happy, s/he is crying
  :-@   User is screaming
  :-#   User wears braces
  :^)   User has a broken nose
  :v)   User has a broken nose, but it's the other way
  :_)   User's nose is sliding off of his face
  :<)   User is from an Ivy League School
  :-&   User is tongue tied.
  =:-)  User is a hosehead
  -:-)  User is a punk rocker
  -:-(  (real punk rockers don't smile)
  :=)   User has two noses
  +-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office
  `:-)  User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning
  ,:-)  Same thing...other side
  |-I   User is asleep
  |-O   User is yawning/snoring
  :-Q   User is a smoker
  :-?   User smokes a pipe
  O-)   Megaton Man On Patrol!  (or else, user is a scuba diver)
  O :-) User is an angel (at heart, at least)
  :-P   Nyahhhh!
  :-S   User just made an incoherent statement
  :-D   User is laughing (at you!)
  :-X   User's lips are sealed
  :-C   User is really bummed
  <|-)  User is Chinese
  <|-(  User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes
  :-/   User is skeptical
  C=:-) User is a chef
  @=    User is pro-nuclear war
  *<:-) User is wearing a Santa Claus Hat
  :-o   Uh oh!
  (8-o  It's Mr. Bill!
  *:o)  And Bozo the Clown!
  3:]   Pet smilie
  3:[   Mean Pet smilie
  d8=   Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat.
  E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator
  :-9   User is licking his/her lips
  %-6   User is braindead
  [:-)  User is wearing a walkman
  (:I   User is an egghead
  <:-I  User is a dunce
  K:P   User is a little kid with a propeller beenie
  @:-)  User is wearing a turban
  :-0   No Yelling!  (Quiet Lab)